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Chronicles Of Motherhood

                                                                          By: Nina Parker

Mothers Love bares the intensity of a thousand fires of coal being used to fuel, strengthen and empower her to Push….Push...Puuuuuush….
Fighting gravity, pain, when everything inside tells her no.
She makes the impossible possible.
Enduring the insurmountable strain of unsolicited advice about “how to” and “why to” while she works hard to tap into God about WHAT to do
Late night feedings, colickly cries while she rocks you back and forth running on fumes and confusing nights with days
Recognizing that she possesses special powers as she suddenly transforms into a ninja after finally laying the baby down and will not hesitate to give two chops to one that dares speak loud
Wondering how so much #1, #2 and…#3 (yes there is a #3) can come out of one tiny baby and getting only a smile in return as she discovers a blowout right before you leave home
Asking “Where is your shoe?” a million times knowing they will be met with not much more than a blank stare or a simple {shrug}
Buying 500 “binkies” pacifiers and your babe falls in love with the one that you cannot find.
Saying “I can't wait till they grow out of this phase” and crying for time to slow down at every milestone.
With every step there is beauty in the complexity of this honorable assignment to care for a life
Moving swiftly and slowly through the journey of unknowns, guiding their paths watching their personalities unfold
The joy of watching them run and play, the burning of your nostrils at how they smell at the end of a long day
Bath time splashes and the excitement of bubbles, story time at bedtime and the “I’m not tired yet” struggle
Standing over them watching them sleep and trying not to wake them while you check to make sure they are still breathing.
Feeling the pain of their boo boos but the peace as they come running to you
Listening to their neverending stories about everything and nothing
Learning another level of patience in potty training
Becoming expert problem solvers for the most unreasonable problems like getting the crust off a rice cake and comforting the fear of their own shadows.
Trying your best to answer “why is the sky blue” and explaining why Mommy can't  make Moon stop following you.
The way your heart melts when they sincerely say “Mommy, You my best friend” and the hilarity of them retracting it the moment you tell them no.
The rivers of tears you cry privately when they assert their independence and reject your hugs and kisses,
That moment when chastising and discipline really does hurt you more than it can ever hurt them.
Feeling like a failure and having your children tell you that your the best
Fractions, Science Projects and school trips
Transforming into a Taxi driver, Manager, Coach, Cheerleader, Cook, Rule Enforcer, Snack Preparer, Defender,Tutor, Advocate, Advice Giving, I told you so without saying I told you so, Cool Mom while expected to remember to wear matching shoes and be a productive member of society.
Having a daily demonstration of God’s love, grace and mercy when your babes becomes teens.
Balancing trying to stop them from making the same mistakes you made but allowing them the freedom in learning from mess ups.
Training them in the way they should go and praying hard when it looks like they are departing.
Giving sound wisdom and encouraging them to “do it afraid”
Learning that you are strongest when you are the weakest.
Realizing that despite the good, the bad and ugly you would still choose them. Knowing that THIS...and so much more... is the Joy the Pain, the beauty the grit the DNA of motherhood and you would choose it over and over and over again.

Mothers, I salute you.
Whether you are currently an incubator of a precious life, or you are anticipating meeting your children raised in heaven Thank you. Mothers,  Mentors, Mamas,  Thank you...Mom, Mommy, Mami, Mama, Yadda, Mima, Mimi Granny, Godmommy, Grandmama, Glam-ma, Abuela, Madea, Nana, Linda Linda listen, Ma2, StepMom, Muddah, Ganny, Ma Thank you,Thank you, THANK YOU!

This is It


This is it...I think it is,
The upside down right is wrong,
wrong is right world my great-grandma
warned me about.


One with many religions
Very few relationships
And even less understanding
Yeah...THIS must be it.


This world we live in
That asks open ended questions
and writes open letters for attention
Just to meet responses
with a closed minded argument


It’s not you it’s me
but I’m really thinking it’s you
THIS opinion is important
based on the amount of likes and views


This impatience, this rage, this hate
This disjointed body of Christ
Trying to walk without a cane
or even a leg to stand on


Yep, this is the world that celebrates suicide
because you set yourself free from its slimy stronghold
Giving birth daily to this kind of insanity
But excercising our right to abort babies


And we just sit around
knowingly or unknowingly accepting this…
This right here…
This.is.it.


A whole community being destroyed
Lead poisioned and majorly impacted
While we discuss petty fights
between folks PAID to ACT!


I can’t say her name or any of the others
I’m too choked up and can’t breathe
'Cause I’m coughing from the all gas they threw
as I demonstrated peacefully


Hoping, Praying, Writing, Screaming
to start much needed chatter
About the woes of systematic racism
And the fact that our lives matter


Im positive that there has got to be more
And I am not trying to be obtuse.
No way can I accept, receive or believe,
What my eyes tell me is truth.










The Clouds Are Moving

     We were on a walk when I noticed her occasionally whimpering. I asked what was wrong and she whined, "No no, my face...I don want my hair my face." I chuckled as I quickly realized she was fighting a losing battle with the wind. This seemed to be the perfect time for a Pocohantas-kind-of- moment to teach her the beauty of the wind. After describing the wind as air that moves and makes the trees dance, I finished off with a Titanic like spread of my arms while loudly exclaiming, "Feel the WIND!!! Dance with the Wind!!!!" She looked at me with the most unimpressed-what-on-earth-is-wrong-with-you face I had ever seen on a toddler and walked off. 
Later that day, another toddler noticed the fluffy clouds and again (as if I am just begging for punishment) I went all mother earth and decided to have them lay down and look at the clouds. "Look at sky! The clouds are moving!!!" This time they were intrigued and even cried "Wow!!! The clouds ARE moving!!!!" I live for these moments. The awesome lightbulb moments where children suddenly become aware of the world around them. I had no idea how much this particular moment in time would later encourage me in the best way.

   I was having quite the unusually bad day. It was the kind of day that everything that could go wrong went wrong and the "brighter side" eluded me. I had issues with family. I had a headache that wouldn't go away. The weather was stirring up asthma symptoms and I felt quite suffocated by myriad of negativity surrounding me. The paradigm shift occurred when I took the children out to play. We stepped outside to the feeling of being draped in saran wrap and thrown in the oven. The kids didn't mind at all and our contrasting moods blared worse then the sun. Internally, I was screaming "God I am so tired! Where are you? What is REALLY going on???" Meanwhile I am watching the children have a blast as they sipped the ice water I had prepared for them and ran back to play. I gazed at them in awe and worked hard to stay present and out of my own head. It was then that one of the toddlers asked excitedly, 'Do you feel that?' I asked, "feel what?" With the same vigor and enthusiasm I had displayed days earlier she loudly exclaimed, "THE WIND!!!!!" I chuckled as I was reminded how impressionable children are as she threw our her arms open wide and embraced the wind that she had no appreciation for just a few days earlier.
   Another toddler runs simultaneously in a jagged circle while screaming exhaustedly, "Nina! THE CLOUDS ARE NOT MOVING!!! I stopped him and said, "They are moving baby! They are always moving. Stop, lay down and be still. I promise you will see them move." My own words hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn't realize that the humidity level had significantly dropped in the short span of time we had been outside. There was indeed a wonderful fresh cool breeze flowing in the shade that I was sitting in and I had not noticed it. I was so disgruntled riding the train of unhealthy and unhappy thoughts that I almost missed my stop. These innocent souls unintentionally reminded me to stay present and still to feel the winds of change.
  As I laid down the toddlers followed and we watched the clouds move. I wondered about all the challenges and issues that were already resolved that I may not have noticed. Surely, I missed something while running amuck in my own mind accusing God of not moving on my behalf. Sometimes you have to get revelation the way God gives it. The more you walk out life you realize that Gods ways are more innovative and marvelous than they are mysterious. God IS moving. Sometimes we need to get out of our own heads and be still to see it. Lesson learned.

November 9th





I wonder if the sun will still rise on November 9th?
After all the heartbroken unfollows, Mean retweets, Angry FB posts,
Infuriating rants, racist stances, endless fighting and backbiting,
Because he is awful and she can’t be trusted,
What will happen on November 9th?

ON November 9th, will the world still turn?
Can we speak a word and all the “election hatred” be undone?
Will we remain silent after loudly speaking, typing, voicing our opinion?
November 9th, after we elect our new President, will all be forgiven?

Will there be a mass exodus on the day after tomorrow?
Will we wake up full of sorrow?
Will we continue to speak sadness and destruction?
Or will we give ourselves permission to live life and start having fun?

ON the 9th of November, how will the Christians fare?
Will God still be God? Is Victory what you will declare?
No matter who’s voted in office, Will God still govern your life?
Will you be hopeful or hopeless on November 9th?

November 9th is my born day
This year I’m hoping to receive
An END to the politricks and confusion
And to wake up on my birthday in PEACE.

Exciting Small Beginnings!!!

https://youtu.be/ApfSch4bmAw

NOTHING could have prepared me for the moment I heard my own voice on this movie trailer. My hubby and I were getting ready for a photo shoot and my best friend of 20 years was visiting from New York. Another bestie of mine sent me this message.
     I instantly begin to listen to it as I had been highly anticipating the release of this movie. Midway through I hear the intro music to my song. And then....MY VOICE!!!! I started screaming and laughing and scared my husband as I slid into the kitchen with my phone high in air trying to explain what was happening. I calmed down enough for him to hear the song right before it ended and of course we had to begin again. I found myself screaming all over again. It was, by far one of the most out of body moments I have ever experienced. I wanted to cry and jump and run and sit down and rock like my great grandma used to and watch the clip over and over.
   Let me back up a bit. I have had many ups and downs in my singing career. As with most creative gifts and talents high highs and low lows come with the territory. Nonetheless, it is truly rewarding to have a gift to share. I was in a pretty deep low when this opportunity found me last year. I hadn't touched a microphone to belt out any notes since the doc diagnosed me with nodules on my vocal cords. Its the devastating diagnosis that folks that rely so heavily on their voices hate to hear. Due to the size of modules the doc immediately started talks about surgery and I choose the "thanks-but-no-thanks" route. Though I exuded an outward confidence in God, internally it was a constant fight to hope against hope.
      I submitted an audition piece singing Aretha Franklin's "Natural Woman" to show the most soulful parts of my voice. It was a major risk but I felt strongly that it would be worth it. And it was! Once chosen, the plan was simple. They send me the song; I learn it and record it in a studio here in Atlanta. But this was my moment. A much needed moment in time that I wanted to milk dry. Once I learned the movie was being filmed in Louisiana, I talked to the music director and asked if I could record the song there and was given the OK. I didn't hesitate to hop on a megabus with my hubby and just like that...suddenly I was back on track to actively pursuing my dream to do what I love so much.
   

 It was exactly what I needed! I was able to record in a huge studio and learn some insight on how things work behind the scenes. I happened to walk through the wrong door and see some folks building sets. I felt like a kid in the candy store! I knew then that this was an awesome glimpse. This small beginning was what I needed to remind me that I CANNOT give up on what I used to dream about daily. The possibilities are endless. I am destined to sing. There is an audience that needs to hear my voice. There is someone that is needing to see me make it so that they know they make it. It is so easy to lose heart in the face of adversity. The bible says "Hope deferred makes the heart sick" But God's plan for my life was the best anecdote and medicine needed to make things all better! KEEP HOPE ALIVE! Lesson learned!

Just Because

Because He knows the thoughts He has towards me
Because He is not through with me
Because I can think with clarity,
and I dont have to pretend to comprehend
Because I have yet to do the thing that makes no sense
Because I haven't birthed children with Parker resemblance
Because CLEARLY I'm not done.
Because I have overcome some battles but still struggle with wars I have already won.
Because through me, God will change lives.
I arise
With the fast beating heart of a purpose filled dreamer
Setting the pace in the face of my adversaries
Strapped in this invisible but powerful armor
Ready to stop moving in place and finally go forward
Because despite the hype delusions and distractions of my yesterdays
I rise without hesitation because I have so many reasons to live TODAY

Blank

There are few things I enjoy more than a blank canvas. Blank paper. Blank screen. It's so very inviting and my imagination runs wild with creative ways to make something out of nothing. Oh the thinks I could think....all the what ifs and maybes...the possiblities are ENDLESS...and not even the sky can limit my beautiful funny ingenious ideas. And THERE lies my problem. I'm sitting here working hard to fight off the feeling of overwhelm as my mind is going faster than my fingers can type and I'm unsure if writing about writing is...well...what I really want to write about.
      Sounds crazy huh? Welcome to my creative and very sane brain. Writing a book is a difficult process but I'm blessed to have a publisher who is also a great friend and a team of authors that encourage each other. She has given me some tips that has assisted me greatly. I have also learned a few things in my writing journey so far that I thought would share. 
 1. Don't edit while writing. Just let it all out and edit it later. 
This was so hard for me, as I am constantly tempted to make sure its right as I'm typing. I have found that I often dont finish what I start and end up extremely frustrated. 
2. Plan a dedicated writing time. Know how many hours you can devote a week. And what you need to make the creative juices flow.  
For me I need inspirational movies playing in the background to write my best. I also do well to write anytime I feel inspired. Even if its just a few words to think about later. 
3. (This one is fresh from today) "Comparision is the thief of joy"  
    I made a concerted effort to admire my favorite authors and not compare myself to them. At my last meeting with my awesome publisher, I realized I suffered a huge loss in confidence. It was an even harder pill to swallow when I had to admit I was doing it to myself. No one told me I was doing a bad job expressing myself. I actually received numerous compliments that caused a mixture of emotions. Like, what if I dont continue to meet their expectations? What if my story isn't important enough? What if my work doesn't change or impact anyones life?
     As ridiculous as it may sound,  I was comparing myself to myself and coming up short. The thought that I may not be able to do better than the 1st entry was getting me nowhere fast. I then began to compare myself to my publisher who is a well established author and just like that my confidence dissipated. I had to realize that I have people who were willing to invest their time and resources to help me pursue my dream. I dont have time to think about quitting. 

So here I am with a screen full of my thoughts and ideas chuckling at the irony that my title is no longer relevant. 

Happy Writing!
       
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